Alone
by starrydreamz3
Summary: Edward never came back during New Moon. Victoria finds Bella in the meadow, all alone. She's set on torturing her, and she succeeds, in a way. She turns Bella. Twenty years later and Bella and Edward meet again.


_Alone_. I repeated the word with grim satisfaction as I wrenched myself to my feet despite the

pain. At precisely that moment, a figure stepped out from the trees to the north, some thirty

paces away.

A dizzying array of emotions shot through me in a second. The first was surprise; I was far

from any trail here, and I didn't expect company. Then, as my eyes focused on the motionless figure, seeing the utter stillness, the pallid skin, a rush of piercing hope rocked through me. I

suppressed it viciously, fighting against the equally sharp lash of agony as my eyes continued

to the face beneath the fire red hair, the face that wasn't the one I wanted to see.

Next was fear; this was not the face I grieved for, it was the face of someone who I had run from before.

And finally, in the end, recognition.

"Victoria," I whispered, releasing what little air I had left in my lungs.

She turned slightly, her vampire hearing picking up on my breathless whisper. A light breeze kissed my face, and I knew that she could smell me from across the meadow. She approached slowly, savoring the pure look of terror that must have read across my face.

"Bella," she spoke with a small chuckle. "Well I'd be lying if I said this wasn't a surprise."

I swallowed loudly, frozen in place as she closed the distance between us.

_Say something Bella_. His voice scolded me, a hint of desperation in his voice._ Anything._

"I was just out for a walk. E-Edward will be here soon. He…had to…find Carlisle." His name burned my throat, I hadn't said it in months.

_You have to do better than that Bella!_

"Really?" She smirked, a look of satisfaction in her eyes. "That is strange. You see, I passed by the Cullen residence on my way here. It seemed deserted." She looked quizzically over me, a small realization grew across her face. "At first I thought I'd have to look harder. Go follow them to wherever they had moved. But look at this. Right as I think my plans falling apart, there you are." She smiled broadly, and in a teasing voice, she asked, "Did they leave you?"

_Lie!_

I took another large swallow, trying desperately to listen to Edward as he guided me. "You're right." I chuckled nervously. "I mean…not about them leaving me…I mean…they did leave. They moved. They needed a bigger house. It's just on the other side of town."

She stepped closed to me, her small smile growing to a grin. I stepped back to run, but I faltered and stumbled on a rock. I twisted around quickly, looking up at the vampire only feet away from me. As I stumbled to the ground, I pushed up against tree and clenched my teeth together. My hands grabbed the rocky dirt beneath the tree.

_Convince her! Threaten her!_

"He'll kill you. If you touch me…he killed James, he'll destroy you too."

Shit. Bella, real smart! Antagonize the scorned lover. That'll gain some pity points. I scolded myself internally, while holding a firm and threatening look on my exterior.

She winced when I said his name, then crouched next to me, slowly wrapping her ice cold fingers around my neck.

"You know, when I came here, looking for you of course," she nodded with an evil smirk, "I had planned on that. Planned on him trying to kill me. My plan was all set. Come here, kill you…not before I beat and tortured you of course…" She smiled widely, reveling in her plan. "And then I would face him. Distraught I'm sure he would attack me himself, overcome with grief and rage. I would have killed him easily."

I cringed at the thought of Edward dying, ceasing to exist. Despite my own mortal peril, I still only hoped that he could somehow, somewhere, be alright.

"But this is such a shame. Really. Come now, be honest, when did he leave you? Right after that our last encounter, or a few month's later? Was it only a few weeks, or days ago? Oh I relish in the thought of drinking the blood from your freshly broken heart."

I waited for his voice, for him to tell me what to do, what lie to say. But then, there was nothing. He had left me again. Even my own hallucinations decided to leave me to die. _Alone._

I stayed silent. Unable to make words, unable to cry for my own salvation. And then for the first time, I welcomed my oncoming death with open arms. It would be quick, painful yes, but quick. I only hoped that there was no pain in heaven. Even if this was it, there was no after life, anything could be better than feeling this pain of being utterly, and completely alone.

"Ahh well. Such a shame. I never like to eat in a rush." She leaned forward, baring her teeth.

I flinched slightly, but closed my eyes and let out a long string of air. Would this be the last breath I took? Edward, I love you. I love you Edward. I still do…no matter what. The thoughts crossed my head, and I took solace in knowing my last thoughts were about him.

Victoria stopped, inches from the soft skin that covered the pulsing artery in my neck.

"Well, now there's an idea. Heh," she stopped, somewhat lost in thought. "You know, Bella, I thought killing you would be the ultimate punishment for that Cullen boy. A mate for a mate, very old testament, wouldn't you agree. But now, seeing you here, all alone…"

I gulped when she said "alone". Did she need to torture me? Couldn't she just kill me quickly…

"Well now that it's quite obvious Edward left you here to die, it's just no fun killing you. I mean, that's what he wanted when he left."

The words cut me like daggers. I knew he didn't want me. He made that excrutiatingly clear, but in the months that he left, I never had the slightest idea in my mind that he simply didn't care anymore. Or worse, that he knew when he left he was damning me to a short and painful human life.

"Even if your dear boy didn't want you to shuffle off this mortal coil so soon, it is obvious, isn't it?"

She released her hand from my neck and patted my hair slowly, like he used to do.

"Poor Bella. Poor small, meek, human Bella. He couldn't even give you the gift of immortal life before he left. He left you, unable to protect yourself, dying a little more with every breath you took. Whether he expected in 80 years or 80 minutes after he left, he knew that you were going to die."

She turned her head, mocking me with fake sympathy.

"And he didn't care."

She said the words slowly, emphasizing every syllable. I felt the cold tears rolling down my cheek. I cursed myself for listening to her. She was evil, she wanted me to doubt him. She's trying to hurt me like Edward hurt James.

But a part of me believed her. Edward didn't want me. Why would he care whether I lived or died? I spent the last four months of my life wondering everyday where he was, what he was thinking, and he didn't give a damn whether I survived or not.

"Is the idea of eternity with you really that despicable to him? Hah. Well then, I think the decision is clear, don't you?"

I could only faintly hear her, my head was spinning with doubt. I replayed every kiss, and touch with Edward. Had it all be a lie? Or had he given up on me so capriciously? Which was worse, I couldn't decide.

"Inflict maximum pain, that's my motto." She said, jumping to her feet, walking around the trunk of the tree, gracefully stepping over my body as she rotated around it. "So if Edward would rather you die, than join him forever as a vampire, well then I'll just have to make his worst fear come true."

She lunged forward, pushing my shoulders against the hard bark of the tree. And as my head slammed against it, I winced with pain. Not physical, but emotional anguish. My meaningless life, my painful existence, wasn't going to end quickly, like I had originally hoped. I was going to live forever.

Forever, without Edward.

Chapter 2

EPOV

"Bella."

I looked up, twisting my head to wear the scent had come from. A delivery man walked by, carrying a bouquet of freesias down the street, knocking on the house next door. I turned my head back down, back to my thoughts. It had been almost 20 years, to the day next Thursday, since I had seen her. And still, despite it all…

I couldn't let myself think it. It was to painful. The memory of her beautiful brown eyes, looking pleadingly at me through tears. It was the last thing I had to remember her by, and it broke my heart more each time.

_We have to leave soon. Classes start at 8:00. We've only been her a few months, we need to keep up appearances._

I nodded silently as Alice left the room. They hardly talked to me anymore, and I more often then not would respond outloud. We had relocated somewhere in Washington. At first Esme thought it'd be too painful for me, being back so close to where it all happened, but Carlisle convinced her, convinced me, that it would all be for the best. I still didn't understand, but maybe one day I'll see.

Besides, it's not like I'd ever see her. The state was huge, how could two people ever run into each other by accidents, after 20 years for that matter…

Would I even recognize her? Of course I would, why did I try and kid myself. She'd by 37 now, and more beautiful than any of memories could ever do her justice. No doubt she would have kids. I knew she'd make a wonderful mother, so caring and selfless. I smiled when I thought about her driving her children around town. Dropping her daughter off at ballet practice, picking up her little boy from football. I even broke a smile when I imagined her husband coming home from work, kissing her on the cheek, telling her how much he loved her.

And yet, it burned a hole in my heart to think about her happy. _What a sick masochistic lion. _I thought to myself. But did I loved the pain, or did I just want to see her happy? It's what I wanted, it's why I left…but still. I wanted that to be me. But it could never happen. She deserved someone who could have children with her…someone who could take her out into the sun on a crowded beach. Someone who could grow old with her, and yes, eventually die. Together. Blissfully aware that at the end of it all, they would see each other again.

That wasn't me.

Alice came back into the room, handing me a book bag. After all this time, high school still hadn't changed much. Granted, this would be the first time I attended high school since I left forks. It took 5 years to stop myself from wallowing in self pity, 10 years to come back to my family, 15 years to interact with humans again. And now, after 20 years, I'd be going back to high school.

_It'll be a normal day today. I can see it. It's good for you, so you can readjust._

I winced at the word "readjust". I didn't want to adjust. I was used to this pain, missing her more everyday but reassuring myself that if we ever did meet again, by some miracle, she'd thank me. Thank me for giving her normal life back to her.

As Emmet drove to school, I sat in the backseat, head pressed up against the window pane, lost in thought. Whenever I missed her, contemplated going to search for her, find her in her new life, I remembered the last time I was in Forks.

Alice had seen a vision of Victoria. She wasn't sure what had happened, happened, her vision was blurred, but she knew that Victoria was coming after Bella. When she called me, I had been in South America, ironically enough, trying to find the very vampire that was now threatening the girl I loved.

It took me 3 days to get back to forks, a storm had delayed my plane trying to get back into the states, and then another problem with my plane leaving Dallas Airport. It was the most agonizing 72 hours of my life. I had failed Bella, and Victoria was surely going to get to her before I could save her. I promised myself two things. If Bella was…dead…I'd hunt Victoria down. Rip her to pieces, and then find a way to end my life. Existence, knowing that Bella wasn't walking the earth somewhere, was meaningless. And if Bella was fine…I would stick around for a while. Never letting her know I was there, I couldn't possibly do that to her, or myself. If she saw me again…if I talked to her, I don't know if I could leave her again. I was determined not to ruin what was left of her normal, healthy, and hopefully, happy human existence.

When I arrived in Forks, I ran to her house, peering in through her window. Hoping, beyond hope, that I'd see her there in her room. Instead, it was empty. Some of her dressers were thrown open, clothes disheveled. It looked like someone had run through there, quickly packing a bag of clothes before they were caught.

I heard a phone ring from inside the house, and Charlie's thoughts came into my mind.

_Oh god, it could be her. _"Bella?" He said, shouting into the telephone.

I couldn't quite hear the person on the other line, so a sprinted to the back of the house, listening in through an open window.

"Bella where are you!" _How could you leave me…_ "Three days, I don't hear from you. I go to your room this morning and your things are gone, your bags are packed. Bella…I thought you were dead…"

The words hit me like tidal wave. But then the soft, flowing voice that had been tormenting my mind came through the other end of the telephone.

"No Charlie…I'm fine. I just…needed to leave. Get out of forks."

"Bella…you know that I only wants what's best for you. But hunny if you wanted to stay with your mother, you could have come to me. We could talk about it. I could atleast gotten to say goodbye."

"I know Dad, I'm sorry. I just, I didn't want to hurt you."

"What, Bella, you saying goodbye couldn't have hurt me as much as you just picking up and leaving would have!" _Easy Charlie. Calm down, she's alive. She's safe. Renee will take good care of her._

"No dad, not hurt you like that, I meant…" her lovely voice faltered on the other end of the telephone. I still couldn't understand how she could ever hurt Charlie. She loved him, and he loved her. I cursed myself under my breath. I must be the reason she's leaving. I took Charlie's only daughter away form him.

"Bella, just...it's fine. I love you, and I will always be here for you when you get back." _Hopefully that's soon. I need to see her again, my little girl…_

Bella was silent for a few seconds. "Dad. I don't think I'm coming back…"

_What is she talking about!_ "Bella, I know this place has a lot of bad memories. I understand…if you can't come back I will come down to Renee's to see you." _I can probably book a flight for tomorrow. Shouldn't be too expensive._

"No Dad. I'm not…I'm not staying with Mom. I'm going to spend sometime on my own. I need…" again she faltered, and I picked up the pain in her voice, the same pain I felt when I had to tell her goodbye. "…I need to start a new life. I couldn't keep living like that. I'm sorry. Just, just don't try to look for me ok? I'll be alright."

"Bella, BELLA! What are you…no…no I won't allow it. Bella baby you can't just leave! You can't just leave everything in your life behind you!"

Another pause. "I already did." And then I heard a click. And she was gone.

"Edward," Alice said aloud to me. "We're here."

Alice's voice pulled me from my daydream, and I pushed the memory to the back of my mind. Every so often Alice would get a small hint of a vision of Bella, maybe just see the back of her head or a flick of a smile. It was enough to let me know that she was somewhere, living her new life. Bella had given up her old life, and that included me. Was I expecting her to spend her life in Forks, waiting for me to return? This is what I wanted for her. She was safe, away from me, away from all the painful memories I caused. I pictured her again, tucking a little girl into bed, lightly kissing her on the forehead.

"I love you mommy."

"I love you too, my angel."

My angel. She deserved her heaven. I deserved my hell.

Chapter 3

BPOV

"Wake up, my angel," a velvety smooth voice said to me.

I opened my eyes, lifting myself from my trance-like state. "You know I don't sleep anymore!" I said, teasing the topaz eyes that looked back at me.

"Ahh so you must just be lazy!" He chuckled, shaking his head. "Well no time to lie around, you have a brand new school to attend!"

"Oh joy, high school!" I smiled at Edward, his arms crossed over himself, leaning against my door.

"Oh admit it, this is the fourth high school you've been enrolled in, don't you want to know if all the human boys will dote over you?"

"Oh please!" I said, jumping from the couch I was lounging on. "You know I only want you." I looked up at him, flirting with the smoldering eyes that looked back at me. "You'll all I'll ever want. Forever."

I stepped on my tippy toes, closed my eyes, and leaned forward for a kiss. As I leaned in, I lifted my hands to push against his rock hard chest, to press myself into him while I lost myself in his lips.

But all I felt was air. I opened my eyes, my hands pressed against my door. Edward was gone.

"You know you shouldn't have done that." His voice came to me. "You know I'm not real…"

"Shut up." I spat out, as I opened the door. It was true, my mind had been broken. Before I was turned, I could hear Edward. His voice came to me whenever I needed him most. Now, it was full on hallucinations. If I _knew_ I was insane, does that still make me insane? I thought crazy people didn't know they were going crazy…

I'll admit though, my Edward appearances were getting less and less frequent. It had been so long…almost 20 years now. When I first ran away from home, after Victoria turned me, I used to see Edward everywhere. As a newborn, I thirsted for human blood, but I never, not once, killed anyone. The times when I was close, when I felt my self control shaking, he would appear. With the same crooked smile on his face, he'd shake his head. "You don't want to do that, Bella."

I hated my hallucinations, and I loved them at the same time. For the first two years, they were the only company I could keep. After two years on my own, I found Alexander and Catherine. They reminded me of Carlisle and Esme, very warm, very loving. When we first met they too were on a special diet. Alexander had a gift to sense good and evil. He was very in tune with those two forces, something about how the world was divided into two stark categories. They fed off of criminals, rapists, and murderers. After I joined their coven, they offered to share their catches with me. But I couldn't do it. Despite that I knew those humans were despicable, vile creatures, I couldn't allow myself to feed off of them. To become one of them.

So Alex and Cathy became my adoptive parents, the nuclear family I had always wanted growing up. But despite all their love, all the support that they given me, all the care they gave to restore me to what I was, I still felt hollow inside. Charlie had died a few years ago, from a heart attack one night. I couldn't even attend the funeral. I found out about it a few weeks later, his obituary came online while I was mindlessly surfing the web. Even after I read the page, I still couldn't cry for him. Even if my tear ducts still worked, I don't think I could have. There was no room for any other emotions. There was just pain.

"Marie! You have to leave for school soon!" That was me. When I first met Alex and Cathy, I gave them my middle name. I've gone by it ever since. It just didn't feel right for them to call me Bella. That wasn't me anymore.

That girl was dead.

"Coming mother!" I hurried down the stairs, sipping a cup of blood from a coffee mug. Cathy had connections with the local butchers store, but we tried not to indulge too much. After all, I still enjoyed hunting. It was one of the only times of the day when I wasn't plagued by the never ending pain. Even with Cathy and Alex, I was still alone. They knew that. They tried to make it easier on me, but despite what they could, I was still hollow.

They stopped questioning who I was talking to after a month of being with me. They heard my flirty remarks and professions of love almost twice a day, normally in the morning and then again at twilight. Edward seemed to stay away during the day, which was good. I didn't need humans thinking I was insane as well…even if it were true. My hallucinations were a part of my everyday routine. They were what kept me sane, and drove me crazy at the same time.

"I'll be back around 3, mom."

"Alright, be safe. And Marie?" She paused, looking sadly in my direction. "Try to have a good time at school today. For me?"

"Sure." I said with what fake enthusiasm I could muster. Just because I was dying on the inside, didn't mean I couldn't try and make Cathy's life a little less depressing. After 20 years, I learned to hide the pain. Every day I got better at hiding it from myself. I got better at feeling nothing at all. And with that, I jumped in my car and sped toward another day at school.

Chapter 5

BPOV

I pulled into the high school parking lot, a little too fast for anyone else who didn't have my reflexes. I drove a Pontiac Grand Prix, a real guy's guy kind of car. I couldn't stand the site of those small little convertibles. I need some power behind the wheel. I stepped out and slammed the door behind me, throwing my messenger bag over my shoulder.

To my right I saw a group of boys, pointing in my direction. Had I wanted to I'd listen in to what they were saying, no doubt making some crude comments about me. I chuckled to myself. If only they knew. My desire would be a death sentence.

I found my way through the crowded corridors, avoiding the hushed whispers and side conversations about the "new girl". My fourth high school and it was all the same. I could attend every high school in America and there would still be the same people. The Mike Newtons, the Jessicas, and the Angelas. Every single high school had the same stereotypical characters.

As I opened the door to the guidance office, I flipped my hair over my right shoulder. I heard a low gasp from the "Mike" wannabe in the corner. Yeah, who said high school had to be boring? It was so unlike Bella to flirt with boys, to be coy or grasp for attention. Marie, on the other hand, she was quite good at getting her way.

"Hi there." I said sweetly to the man behind the table. He choked on a sip of coffee, spilling a few drops on his tie. I giggled sweetly, and his eyes grew wide.

"Oh, wow, I'm sorry, and how can I help you dear."

I flashed an innocent school girl smile. "I'm new here. My name is Marie Evans. I was wondering if you could be so kind as to give me my schedule?"

After a few minutes of toying with the man behind the desk, I picked up my things and walked down the hallway. It was painful living this double life. Not just the vampire part, I had learned to deal with that. What was painful was the smile I wore on my face. The part I played, Marie, was so distressing. I felt Marie and Bella fighting internally, ripping my soul in half. And yet, I walked through life with a coy smile on my face. It was something that I never felt I could do. While I was human, I managed to survive without him, but barely. After becoming a vampire, the pain was still there, if not intensified from my new sensory perceptions. But faking it, that came much more easier. If Cathy and Alex had not shared a home with me, had not heard me those brief hours between twilight and Dawn, when Bella came back and smoke to Edward, they could have assumed I was happy. Sometimes, I think it was easier for me to do the same.

I turned the hall, walking past the doors that led to the courtyard when I snapped to a hault. He was here. Leaning against a locker. Edward was at my school.

Crap. Crap Crap Crap! It was one thing for me to go insane in the privacy of my own room, but how dare my hallucinations show up here. It was my first day at a new school, why would my own mind want to do this to me! My hallucination signed heavily, looking lost in thought. He was usually much brighter than this, why was I conjuring up a very depressed looking Edward?

I hurried over to him absently playing with cell phone to cause a distraction. I really didn't want to hear kids talking about "the new girl" talking to herself in public. I walked up behind him, and he gave me quizzical look, like he was trying to comprehend something unimaginable. Since when did my hallucinations have a mind of their own?

"What are you doing here?" I asked in frustrated, hushed tones, looking around to make sure no one saw me talking to my very own imaginary friend.

I looked back at Edward. He didn't have the same comforting look on his face. He was confused, blinking twice with the same blank look on his face. I glared at my imaginary friend, waiting for some response. After a few seconds, his confusion turned to shock, and then, slowly, blind terror. What the hell was he doing? Why was he acting like this? And why did he have purple rings under his blackened eyes? My hallucinations were usually better fed then this.

"You need to go away. Right now. This can't happen." How could I let myself go crazy like this? I needed to keep my imagination in check. Yet I was still talking to my hallucination, like it was my imaginary friend's fault that I conjured him up. I looked back down at my cell phone, waiting for the image of my ex-boyfriend to disappear.

"Be-Bella?" He asked breathlessly. I looked up at him, annoyed. Why did this happen to me? Why was I always depending on some figment of my imagination to help me through the hard times.

"You need to leave." I told him, I told myself. I had to stop these hallucinations, I needed to get on with my life. I needed to break up with my imaginary boyfriend. He looked back at me, taken back by this declaration, hurt growing on his face. I told my brain to stop it. Showing me this wasn't stopping me.

"I can't have you in my life. I don't want you to come in and out whenever you feel like it. I don't need you. I'm fine on my own." I turned on my heel and left my imagination behind me. And for a second, I felt a little lighter. I wasn't going to be delirious for much longer. It had been 20 years. I needed to stop this. Standing up to my dream-man was the first step.

I paused after walking around the next corner. Who was I kidding? I'd be begging my delusion. to forgive me later tonight. Sure Bella, like you could ever move on after him. I released a sigh. My little stunt had been a wonderful show. Trying to take my life back from my hallucinations, what a very Marie thing to do. With that I walked into my first period class.

Chapter 6

EPOV

I watched the high school kids all scurry around the hallways, mindlessly chattering about one thing or another. Apparently there was a new girl at school, a Marie something. None of their minds had a good picture of the girl, and I didn't have the interest to search harder into their thoughts. Why did it matter? There was only one girl in the world, and she was not in high school any more.

I banged my head back against one of the lockers, before turning to the side and releasing an exasperated sigh. Bella, Bella, Bella. I said her name in my head, in every possibly inflection possible. I got lost in my own thoughts, pushing out the chattering minds around me until I just focused on her.

"What are you doing here?" A voice pulled me out of my thoughts. A beautiful, mellifluous voice. It sounded oddly familiar.

I looked down at the girl staring in front of me, and I caught my breath. Standing in front of me, was a gorgeous, brown haired vampire, who smelled like strawberry's and freesias after a spring shower.

Standing in front of me, was Bella Swan.

I couldn't comprehend what was going on at first. How was this possible? How did she…and then it hit me. A horror grew inside as I realized what was going on. Bella, had been changed into a vampire. From the looks of it she couldn't be much more that 19 years old. She looked exactly the same as I remembered her, but there was something much more mature, much more guarded. I realized it had been a few seconds, I had to speak. I had to ask her what happened. I had to know, to go find the demon that did this to her, to kill him.

"You need to go away. Right now. This can't happen."

She said it in hushed tones, like she was afraid to be seen with me. So many questions raced into my mind that I couldn't say anything. And despite all the confusion and the terror, all I felt was the unparalleled desire to reach out and touch her face. To smell her hair, to kiss her lips. She didn't smell like my Bella anymore, the warm blood which sparked my thirst and detracted from her perfume was gone. All I could smell was the intoxicating aroma that was Bella Swan.

I could hardly mumble a cohesive word. "Be-Bella?" I stuttered, unsure of my own voice. Unsure of my own existence. Everything I believed for the last 20 years had been replaced in these few seconds. She had not had a normal life, and that was my fault. I wasn't there to protect her, to save her from whoever did this to her. But along side my extreme guilt was a small flicker - a light. A hope that maybe, despite all our years apart, that she still loved me. I'd give anything to return her humanity, but that would never happen. She was a vampire, and maybe, we could still be toget…

"You need to leave." She said with a straight face, staring at me, like I was some sort of a bother, a nuisance. I couldn't understand, why? Seeing her after all these years, I was taken aback. I could hardly form a coherent thought, and yet she so decidedly scolded me. Could she really hate me so much, that even after 20 years, she still despised my presence? I had to believe it was so, because after 20 years, I still loved her with every fiber of my being. Emotions as strong as this don't, nor couldn't fade over time.

"I can't have you in my life. I don't want you to come in and out whenever you feel like it. I don't need you. I'm fine on my own."

And with that, she was gone. I looked at her as she stomped away. Bella, my Bella.

I stood their frozen in my place, replaying the conversation over in my head. She said she didn't want me, but she never said she didn't love me. Don't be stupid Edward, of course she doesn't love you. You broke her heart. You let her die.

I pushed that image out of my head. It was all too confusing. All I knew was that Bella was back in my life. I needed answers, but most of all, I needed to tell her the truth. If she hated my fine, I'd leave her. But Bella was a vampire now. She has lost the humanity. The very reason I left to protect her. Now that my attempt to give her a normal life had failed miserable, I had no other reason to leave her. I had no other reason to live without her.

I needed to find her.

Chapter 7

"Bella, Bella!" I heard my hallucination chase me out to the courtyard. He was getting frustrating now. I spun around, shooting him an evil glance. He didn't stop running, he came up to me, stopping a few feet away.

"You can't keep doing this to me! You can't keep showing up whenever you want and messing up my life!" I yelled, too loud considering that the rest of the humans in the courtyard must think I was crazy, yelling at the air.

He looked at me confused, shaking his head. "Bella, I don't understand, what are you talking about? What do you mean 'keep showing up'?"

I gave another sigh. This hallucination just couldn't take a hint. I went to turn, when I felt a warm hand touch my on the chin.

I felt my heart crumble into a million pieces. I dreamed about Edward everyday for the last 20 years, everyday hoping to feel his cold hands wrapped about me, or his icy lips cool me with a kiss. But I knew that he was just a dream. Dreams can't touch you. But this felt so real. It wasn't possible…was it?

His hand turned my face toward his, staring at me with his beautiful, entrancing eyes. "Bella." He whispered, and had I been human I would have fainted.

He was back. This was Edward. Real, in the flesh. No longer a figment of my imagination, this was the man that left me 20 years ago, now holding my face in his hands.

This was too much.

Not caring for who saw me, I dropped my bag and ran off at vampire speed. I rushed into the forest on the opposing side of the courtyard, about 50 yards away. I could hear him follow me, running to keep up with my pace.

This wasn't happening. This couldn't be. I imagined the day that I would see him again. Somehow, in my dreams, we would simply embrace, kiss each other passionately and forget the past between us. And now that it happened, I just wanted to be far, far away from him. How could I love someone and hate them so much at the same time.

When I ran into a small clearing in the woods, I picked up a stray log, a few feet in length, and spun around, throwing it directly at him.

He quickly pushed it away with his right arm as it splintered into pieces, all the while continuing towards me. He closed in the remaining few feet within seconds.

"Bella, please, listen to me!" He pleaded, but I couldn't. My mind was running through the last moments that we were together. The blank look on his face when he told me he didn't want me. The nonchalant way he broke my heart.

I spun around, lifting my foot up to make contact with his chest. Alex had taught me to fight 10 years ago, but I never used it until this moment. He flew back through the air, banging into a large tree. He was taken aback, but unharmed. He walked back to me, slower this time, hands out stretched.

I couldn't tell you why I was fighting him. Threw tearless sobs I grabbed his arms, throwing him against a boulder that was behind me. He got up again, eyes pleading. He didn't fight. He simply took the pain I threw at him.

"Bella, I'm so…" But I cut him off again, charging at him with lightening speed, sending him once again through the air where he landed against a large tree. I couldn't listen to him. I couldn't bare to hear him say anything. What could he say, that would possibly make anything alright? Could he say that he was sorry, that he hadn't planned for me to die? How could any words in the human language erase the pain I had been dwelling in for the last 20 years.

I lunged forward, pushing his shoulders against the hard bark of the tree. When his head snapped back against the tree, I felt the cold recollection of something that happened so long ago. It was me, pinned to a tree in the same position, listening to Victoria, minutes before she killed me. I punched him, hard, with my right arm. He didn't resist, didn't fight back, just looked at me with those eyes. Those eyes that broke my heart with their last stare, in those woods by my house.

"You left!" I yelled. Hitting him again. "You left me to die!" Again, I hit him, this time with my left hand. I put every ounce of energy into my punches, every emotion that I had hid away, every painful tear I had ever cried for him came into my memory.

"I loved you, and you left!" I sobbed outloud now, my punches becoming less focused. He looked up at me, seemingly unharmed from the damage I had done. All the pain that he caused me, and I couldn't do a thing. I could never hurt him the way he hurt me. Not just because I wasn't strong enough physically, but because I still loved him. I wanted him to pay for what he turned me into, this shell of a being. A walking zombie without a soul. And yet, I loved him. Every cell in my body felt like it was tearing itself a part, unable to love someone so much and hate them at the same time.

As my punch became lifeless, I pounded on his chest. Beating his heart, hoping, in some way, I could break it. A broken heart in return for the same. But as I pounded at his chest, I lost my energy. The tearless sobs were still coming, but I couldn't fight him any longer. I couldn't keep trying to end my pain by inflicting some on him. His hands came up, lightly grabbing my back, and I felt into his chest, burying my face into his soft torso as he held me tightly. Under the evergreen, I cried without tears as he rocked me back and forth.

Chapter 8

EPOV

It could have been minutes, hours, seconds, I couldn't tell. But we stayed under that tree as I tried to console her, and myself. I never saw Bella ever react like that. I'd seen her angry, in those few precious months we were together, but when she attacked me, I was stunned.

I couldn't fight back, even though her blows caused me more physical pain than any other vampire I fought. But still, each hit dealt a devastating emotional pain as well. I could see in her face, the pain, the anguish. And when she yelled at me I knew. She was trying to hurt me, like I hurt her. If only she knew, how painful my existence had been without her. Ever breath of air that wasn't flavored by her delicious scent was another step closer to hell. I inhaled her fragrance, and thought to myself, how sick it was. She hated me, for everything I ever did to her, and yet, I was happy. Happy that I was with her, holding her in my arms again.

She finally looked up, the eyes that were so black when she had confronted me had soothed to a pale topaz. I stared into her eyes, longing to be able to read her thoughts, to know what had happened. I wanted to know if she could ever forgive me, if she could ever learned to love me again, some day, in the distance future.

I reached up and stroked her hair, resigning myself to the truth. These could be the last few moments I had with her, before she would run off and never see me again. I memorized ever line in her face, ever curve in her cheeks. She was more beautiful than any of my memories had ever portrayed her.

"Bella." She closed her eyes, relishing in the sweet pain her name brought to her ears. She seemed like no one had said her name in ages.

"You're really here." It wasn't a question, but a statement of fact.

"I am." I didn't know where to start. After 20 years of imagining being with her again, of declaring my love and winning back her heart, I was completely at a loss for words.

"I thought…" She began. I stiffened as I braced myself for another emotional stab. "I thought you were a figment of my imagination." I couldn't help but let out a small laugh. Bella, my Bella, was still as utterly adorable as she had always been.

"No I'm real, I assure you." I said with reassuring nod. And then we were quiet again, both lost in our own thoughts. I strained my powers to try and lock in on her thoughts, hoping that maybe, as a vampire, I could have some effect on her. Nothing.

"Bella, please. What are you thinking?" I didn't care if she hated me. I just needed to know.

"I was thinking that…if I could fight you off, if I could stop you from getting close to me. That maybe, when you left again, it wouldn't be as hard."

I pulled her closer to me, wondering what I could possible say to make her realize the extent of my love. How leaving her again would be the most painful thing in the world to me. I had thought that existing without her alive would force me to kill myself. After being with her for these few short moments, I realized simply existing outside of her presence was enough to want to end my life.

I looked down at her, with my most sincere, honest gaze. "Bella, I can't do that. I can't possibly leave you again. The first time I left it nearly destroyed me, I don't have the strength to pull myself away." She looked at me confused, not understanding, not grasping how important she was to my life, my existence.

"Bella. I never stopped loving you. I never stopped wanting you. Every second of every minute of every hour of every day that we were apart I missed you. You were my oxygen, and I suffocated everyday without having you."

She shook her head, unable to listen to the truth.

"Let me finish, Bella please."

"No. I can't. I don't understand. If you loved me, you wouldn't have left me. You would have taken me with you, anywhere you went. You would have known how much I needed you, how you were my world. You left me, and took my heart and soul with you."

My heart crumbled when I heard those words. "Bella, I swear, I never meant to hurt you. And I hated lying to you. It was unbearable, not only telling you that I didn't want you, the farthest thing from the truth. But you believed me, so easily! You so readily accepted that, even after every profession of love I had ever spoken, I had just changed my mind. Bella, how could you?"

"What was I supposed to think? Edward, you were my everything, a gift from heaven that I didn't deserve." How could she think that? That was her describing be, not the other way around.

"How could I think that you leaving me could possibly be in my benefit? I lost the most precious thing in my life that day. It was only a matter of time before you realized you could do so much better."

"No my darling Bella, never. I could never think that there was something more to this world than you. I hated telling you that blasphemous lie, but I was doing what I thought was best, for you."

She looked up at me with incredulity. "Best for me? For ME? How could you ever think that there was any good thing about me not being with you? How could you think causing me so much harm would ever turn out for the best?" She spat the words at me, and I could feel her resentment boiling inside her.

"I know. I knew it would hurt. But you were so young, so innocent. I just tried…tried to give you a normal life."

She shook her head. "And all the pain that you were feeling, you didn't think I'd be feeling it too? You didn't think that every time you felt your heart breaking, that I was going through the same exact thing?"

I swallowed again, lightly rubbing her back, trying to calm her down. "Bella, please forgive me. I assumed that there was no way that you could feel one tenth, or one hundredth of the pain I felt. In my presumptuous ways I believed that there was no way you could love me as much as I love you. I loved you more greatly than I ever thought possible, more greatly than the stuff that myths and legends are made from. I felt like it was the greatest a person has ever loved another being, how could I ever think I'd be so lucky as to have that love reciprocated equally? I waited 100 years to find you, 100 years of mindlessly walking through life without actually experiencing it."

"How could you…" she cut me off, her voice deep with pain again. "How could you think I didn't love you with my whole heart, with every fiber of my being? I was ready to give up my whole world for you, to become this," she gestured to her vampire body "and you still thought I was some silly girl with a crush?"

"Bella, I need to know. Please, I wasted 20 years, being a fool, convincing myself that you were somewhere, fulfilling your happy human life, having children and growing old. And now I see that I was terribly wrong. But I need to know. I can't waste another second of my life not being with you, not if you still want me. Do you, can you, love me they way you did before I left?"

"What kind of idiotic question is that?"

"Please, just answer it."

She stared at me silently. "The way I feel about you will never change. Of course I love you–and there's nothing you can do about it!"

"That's all I needed to hear."

I pulled body into mine, crashing my lips against her warm exterior. Within seconds the memories of every single kiss, every single touch I had ever shared with her came rushing through my head. Bella, my Bella. I'd never stop saying her beautiful name, over and over again in my head and outloud. I kissed her jaw and her neck, nuzzling her chin with my lips.

"Oh Edward." She let out a soft moan and I went wild. The years that separated us had done nothing for my appetite. I was insatiable, and needed her. The guarded kisses of my past were gone; I no longer had to worry about breaking her. She could reciprocate in kind, not worrying about the past barriers that had obstructed our love.

I broke away, gazing in her eyes. "Bella, I love you. I love you more than the flower loves the sun. I will never, ever leave you again. I'm so sorry, I assumed what was best for you and only ended up hurting us more. For the rest of eternity I will be by your side, until you don't want me anymore.

"That will never happen." She breathed into my ear. "You are my always and forever. I am nothing without you."

"And I am nothing without you."

"Edward, I need to be with you, forever."

"Forever?" I confirmed, forever was not enough time to spend with Bella.

"That's all I'm asking for." She replied with a smile, and I pressed my lips to her as I held her under the shady canopy, making up for all the time we had lost.


End file.
